Wanderlust

 So I've been having a case of the wanderlust lately. 

I'm not sure if it is intensifying as the world starts to get back to normal and people can start traveling again, or if it's because I just need to travel. 

I'm sure it's probably a combination of both, well probably more because I need to travel.  

Actually, let me put it differently.  I want to travel. 

I was talking to someone recently and telling them how much I want to travel.  And I don't mean a vacation - I mean traveling!  

I went on my first real traveling adventure much later in life than I would have hoped.  I went to Europe in my mid-30s.  

That trip changed my life.  I got to see and actually experience the world instead of watching travel programs on television.  I walked in the historical footsteps of a time and era long gone but its remnants still remain.  Being in another country, all by myself, was a truly humbling and overwhelmingly beautiful experience. I learned so much about myself.  While I pushed my boundaries and limits, I learned what I was capable of.   I returned refreshed and happier and had an improved positive outlook on life.  I returned a different person. 

It was that jolt of energy that I needed and was missing from my life. 

I know that traveling isn't such an easy option for many people.  For me to tell you to travel would be a huge disservice.  So I won't.     

But I do want to encourage you to feed that part of your life.  Feed that need to experience new things.  It doesn't have to be done through travelling.  Find local experiences that can feed that desire to open your mind to new possibilities.  Read a book about a country or culture you don't know anything about.  Go to a restaurant that serves food you're not used to.  Learn a new language just for fun.  

Life gives us so many opportunities and experiences that we don't know are there because we sometimes choose to not see them or we forget that it's there.  

And if you ever do have the opportunity to travel, take it!  I leave you with the quote down below.   

The Path Less Traveled Part 2

I was halfway through this blog post when I decided to start all over again.  As I was writing it, the post felt so familiar.  I started to see similarities between what I was writing to my previous post about taking the path less traveled.  

I guess that means I had a lot more to say about the topic than I realized. 

When I started these motivational and life coaching blogs, I knew this wasn't going to be easy for me.  I even mentioned that in my blog about starting these posts!   

In fact, you can say that these blog posts are the path less traveled for me. 

It's been about three weeks since I started these posts and there are days when I struggle to write something.  It feels like I'm on this path but I don't know where I'm going.  The truth is that I am going somewhere.  I just don't know where.  I just know the journey and the adventure of the newness of it all is what drives me through my path.  These blog posts are definitely testing my resilience and my strength but I know that in the end I'll be much better for it. 

The most difficult thing about writing these posts is knowing that there are hundreds of other life coaches out there.  And not only are there life coaches, but there are even hundreds more counselors, therapists, psychiatrists and even social media influencers who are putting out there motivational posts and videos  There is no shortage of people offering their guidance and advice. 

What makes me different?  What should make someone listen to me? 

The answer is clear.  

There is only one me.  

That me is the person that people are drawn to.  It's not just my education that makes me someone worth knowing and listening to, but it's my own experiences.  

It's the stories that I share that make me unique.  

It is my stories that let people know that as a life coach I'm not infallible.  

It is my stories that show others it is possible to move forward in life.  

It is my stories that show that it is ok to be different or to feel different.  

It is my stories that show that as rough or horrible life may seem, there is always hope. 

It is my stories that show that in darkness there is always light. 

I'm not just telling you how to live.  I would never want to tell you how to do so. 

I'm showing you that it is possible to live.

That's the path that I'm on.  

 

Break Me Off a Piece of That Humble Pie

Before I start this blog, here is a link about the original of humble pie. 

https://culinarylore.com/food-history:eating-humble-pie/

It's quite fascinating and definitely unique!

Whenever I talk about leadership, I always go over what qualities make a good leader.  There's always one quality that I always look for in a leader and one that I hold higher than most.  Actually, it's also a quality that I generally look for in people.

Humility

Actually, I have to mention accountability as well.  I don't quite view them as interchangeable but rather complements to each other.  I feel that one can't exist without the other. 

What is it about someone who doesn't lack humility?  For many people it is such a huge turn off.  It takes the ugliest part of a person inside and amplifies it.  It externalizes an internal trait.  I guess this is where narcissism starts to appear. 

We need to transition from narcissism to self-confidence.  There is nothing wrong with self-confidence.  We all need that.  It's the only way that we can increase our resilience and become successful.  But when self-confidence turns into an ego it then starts to turn into no humility.  It's definitely a fine balancing act.  

Self-confidence is having faith and trust in yourself.  It's becoming a stronger person inside while also being empathetic to others around you.  It means having the ability to affect positive growth and change in other people. It's knowing that what you can do for yourself you can also do for other people.  This is the foundation of humility.   

Ego on the other hand is self-centeredness.  There is no thought or consideration of other people.  Unlike self-confidence, the focus is solely on you and what you can do for yourself and what people can do for you.  There is no reciprocation. 

There's a saying that a little humility goes a long way.

I'm gonna have to agree with that. 

The Path Less Traveled

Think about how often you listen to that voice inside your head.  

Now think about a time when life was uncertain.  It can be about anything.  Trying new food.  Visiting a new country.  Asking that person out. 

Now think about what that voice usually tells you to do in times like this.    

Does the voice encourage you and your curiosity?  

Does the voice restrain you from exploring and keep you in your safe bubble? 

Is it keeping you from harm or actually doing more harm to you? 

It's offering you the red or blue pill (purely a Matrix reference!).  Which one are you going to take? 

Many times our voice acts as our lookout.  It's protecting us and that's a good thing... well that is until it becomes an obstacle to our growth.  This is how we sometimes find ourselves in a rut.  Stuck and unable to move.  

How does one get out of that rut? 

Well... you can start by taking the path less traveled.   

What does that really mean exactly? 

Taking the path less traveled is really just about opening your mind to the limitless possibilities of this world.  Allowing yourself to feel a variety emotions and seeing how two opposing emotions can create a sense of adventure.  

It means allowing yourself to understand that with the risk of fear, comes the excitement of the wonder of new possibilities.  

It means letting go of the irrational beliefs that we sometimes hold to be true and finally realize that those irrational beliefs are exactly that - irrational.  And that sometimes we force untruths on ourselves in order to keep our status quo and feel safe.  

So I challenge you to take that leap of faith in yourself.  Listen to that voice that encourages curiosity and wonder.  Travel down that exciting road that you've never taken before. 

You just might see the world in a whole new light! 

It's Pronounced Bur-tah-nog

I thought I would do something a bit different for this blog post. 

If any of you are on social media, then I suggest looking up #LeavingLASA. 

I won’t go into the entire detail, I highly suggest you read about this hashtag and the movement it started in the Los Angeles Theatre Community. 

 To make a long story very short, it involves an Asian actor who was nominated for an acting award in Los Angeles. Her name was mispronounced and to make matter worse, it wasn’t her picture that was displayed. It was that of her other Asian co-star. 

If any of you are reading this blog post in April of 2021, then you’ll know there has been a rise of attacks on Asians over the past few weeks, especially on the elderly. Hate crimes against Asians didn’t just start happening over night. They’ve been around for years, it’s just that it’s now more visible and prevalent than ever. 

With this mis-pronunciation of an Asian name, its just another reminder of how our culture is sometimes disrespected and set to the side and reminds me of the experiences with my last name.  

I have always felt that my last name is not difficult to pronounce. Yet more times than not, it’s usually mispronounced. Annoyance and anger are generally the first emotions I feel. I’m annoyed they couldn’t pronounce it but I’m also mad at their level of reading skills because it’s so simple to sound out the letters of my name. Surely they know how to sound out letters and words. It's not hard.  Then there’s the people who try to pronounce my name with an accent, like having an accent would make you say it any better. It’s pretty insulting. 

Over the years it’s gotten better. Some people ask how it’s pronounced before even attempting it. Others just straight up butcher it and I’m upset because there wasn’t a single attempt at trying to get it right and even when I correct them there is no apology. At one point my parents refused to talk to people who couldn’t say our last name correctly because they found it disrespectful. 

We are going to meet so many people in our lives and first impressions mean everything – I’m sure all of you have been told that. I can’t tell you how surprised and impressed I am when people say my last name correctly. Or how I feel respected when someone attempts and asks for a correction. That says a lot about a person. I see someone who is respectful of other cultures. I see someone who is willing to learn something new. I see acceptance. I don’t see ignorance. 

It’s amazing how a simple pronunciation of a word can change how you view a person. We are always going to run into a difficult name to pronounce, but we shouldn’t approach it with fear. Fear of insult or disrespect. Just approach it with a curiosity to broaden your horizons. It’s amazing how far that can take you.

Treat Yo Self

 If you watch Parks and Recreation then you know what the title of this blog means. Ever since the episode aired, the instantly quotable “treat yo self” has been made into numerous memes and for many people this literally became an integral part of their lives. It’s not hard to see why this statement has become so important to so many.

For many people, treating oneself could be a luxury that they just can’t afford. For others it could mean that you are selfish and that it’s nothing more than a quick fix to your problems. If you’ve seen some of my previous blogs then you know that I want you to challenge yourself and to re-frame this thought into something more positive. As I’ve mentioned before, change your narrative. Don’t consider this some type of instant gratification. Think of this more as a celebration of you!

When I work with clients and kids, I always remind them to celebrate their accomplishments. They need to recognize and celebrate who they are. They need to celebrate the value they bring. But in order for treating yourself to really work, there also needs to be purpose. There needs intent because treating yourself is all about motivation. It’s a way to recognize the work that you do and to encourage you to never stop succeeding.

Several blogs posts I wrote about setting goals and achieving them. Most people have goals but never achieve them. But if you break up your goals into smaller more achievable tasks than you will be more motivated to take the next steps to complete that goal. And while the actual accomplishment of a goal is the reward, it doesn’t hurt treat yourself to something nice for all the work that you do.

Because the reality is… achieving goals can be arduous and tiresome and we need to recognize when we’ve done what we’ve set out to do. As I mentioned earlier, you are celebrating you and your accomplishments.

So what have you done lately that deserves a treat yo self?

Rewrite Your Story

One of my favorite musicals is Martin Guerre. The musical takes place during the Holy Wars in France and tells the story of Martin Guerre. At a young age, Martin is forced to marry a woman he barely knows.  He feels the pressure from the entire village as they want him to conceive a child.  He is ridiculed and physically abused by the villagers.  Martin has had enough and decides to leave the village only to return several years later.  But is he really Martin Guerre? Who is this man? Is he an impostor?

As with most musicals, Martin gets one big solo number for Martin Guerre - the title song!  The song is all about Martin's desire to escape from the life he has.  He is tired of the insults and feels he needs to become the man he always wanted to be.  He doesn't like the story that has been written for him, so he decides to write his own story.  He declares that one day he will return as the man they will all respect, love and admire.  He will do this on his own terms, not theirs.  

Martin was able to hold onto himself. Even with all that pain and suffering, he kept his strength, courage and resilience.  

Strength.  Courage.  Resilience.  

This is the cornerstone of our self-worth.  These three attributes are the reasons why some people are able to move forward in life instead of backwards.  When we are faced with negative emotions such as pain, suffering, and fear, we lose touch with our inner coach, that inner voice that encourages us.  Instead we listen and become our worst inner critic.  From an early age we can become conditioned to believe negative traits about us.  We believe in our own failings as people and feel we can't overcome them.  We start to catastrophize the outcomes our lives.  We start to write that story.  This leads us to failure and stops us from being successful.  We believe these stories even though we know them to be true.  

And so to build our resilience back, to reclaim our courage and our strength, we must once again become the narrators to our own stories.  We must re-write the narrative that was told to us all these years.  We know ourselves better than anyone else, and we if have the ability to be negative then we also have the ability to be positive!  We can't forget that this has always been and will always be in our control.  

What story are you going to tell?