Treat Yo Self

 If you watch Parks and Recreation then you know what the title of this blog means. Ever since the episode aired, the instantly quotable “treat yo self” has been made into numerous memes and for many people this literally became an integral part of their lives. It’s not hard to see why this statement has become so important to so many.

For many people, treating oneself could be a luxury that they just can’t afford. For others it could mean that you are selfish and that it’s nothing more than a quick fix to your problems. If you’ve seen some of my previous blogs then you know that I want you to challenge yourself and to re-frame this thought into something more positive. As I’ve mentioned before, change your narrative. Don’t consider this some type of instant gratification. Think of this more as a celebration of you!

When I work with clients and kids, I always remind them to celebrate their accomplishments. They need to recognize and celebrate who they are. They need to celebrate the value they bring. But in order for treating yourself to really work, there also needs to be purpose. There needs intent because treating yourself is all about motivation. It’s a way to recognize the work that you do and to encourage you to never stop succeeding.

Several blogs posts I wrote about setting goals and achieving them. Most people have goals but never achieve them. But if you break up your goals into smaller more achievable tasks than you will be more motivated to take the next steps to complete that goal. And while the actual accomplishment of a goal is the reward, it doesn’t hurt treat yourself to something nice for all the work that you do.

Because the reality is… achieving goals can be arduous and tiresome and we need to recognize when we’ve done what we’ve set out to do. As I mentioned earlier, you are celebrating you and your accomplishments.

So what have you done lately that deserves a treat yo self?

Rewrite Your Story

One of my favorite musicals is Martin Guerre. The musical takes place during the Holy Wars in France and tells the story of Martin Guerre. At a young age, Martin is forced to marry a woman he barely knows.  He feels the pressure from the entire village as they want him to conceive a child.  He is ridiculed and physically abused by the villagers.  Martin has had enough and decides to leave the village only to return several years later.  But is he really Martin Guerre? Who is this man? Is he an impostor?

As with most musicals, Martin gets one big solo number for Martin Guerre - the title song!  The song is all about Martin's desire to escape from the life he has.  He is tired of the insults and feels he needs to become the man he always wanted to be.  He doesn't like the story that has been written for him, so he decides to write his own story.  He declares that one day he will return as the man they will all respect, love and admire.  He will do this on his own terms, not theirs.  

Martin was able to hold onto himself. Even with all that pain and suffering, he kept his strength, courage and resilience.  

Strength.  Courage.  Resilience.  

This is the cornerstone of our self-worth.  These three attributes are the reasons why some people are able to move forward in life instead of backwards.  When we are faced with negative emotions such as pain, suffering, and fear, we lose touch with our inner coach, that inner voice that encourages us.  Instead we listen and become our worst inner critic.  From an early age we can become conditioned to believe negative traits about us.  We believe in our own failings as people and feel we can't overcome them.  We start to catastrophize the outcomes our lives.  We start to write that story.  This leads us to failure and stops us from being successful.  We believe these stories even though we know them to be true.  

And so to build our resilience back, to reclaim our courage and our strength, we must once again become the narrators to our own stories.  We must re-write the narrative that was told to us all these years.  We know ourselves better than anyone else, and we if have the ability to be negative then we also have the ability to be positive!  We can't forget that this has always been and will always be in our control.  

What story are you going to tell? 

 

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

I'm sure many of you are familiar with this nursery rhyme.  It's so short and has a very simple melody.  

When you think of Humpty Dumpty, do you automatically picture a person that looks like an egg?  Take a closer look a the nursery rhyme.  Where does it say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?  

It doesn't... and yet for all our lives we assumed Humpty Dumpty was an egg.  Who told us he was an egg?  I don't recall my teachers or my parents saying he was an egg (or a male for that matter).  I honestly don't think anyone told me he was an egg.  I think I just saw a picture of Humpty Dumpty and it portrayed him as an egg.  So I just naturally assumed he was one. 

So where do assumptions come from?  Why is it so easy for us to make assumptions about other people?

Maybe our assumptions come from our denial of knowing the truth or accepting the truth.  Maybe it's easier to assume because it's more interesting or scandalous or favorable than the truth.  

And let's not forget that no only do we make assumptions about other people, but we also tend to make assumptions about ourselves.  This causes us to lose our self-confidence, or to have catastrophic thinking that derails us from accomplishing or even attempting our goals and aspirations.  

How can we stop making assumptions?  I honestly don't think it's as simple as saying, "I'm going to stop."  But we can make the effort to stop by challenging them.  Challenge its validity until you're able to know the truth yourself.  Challenge a negative assumption by making it a positive one.  

As Albert Einstein once said - "Assumptions are made and most assumptions are wrong." 

Oh and blame Lewis Carroll for why we assume that Humpty is an egg! 

The Importance of Small Actions

 I'm sure many of us have nick names.  They are given to us by our parents, siblings or our friends.  They usually just happen and then the nick name sticks and we use it for the rest our lives.  

Did you know that I once had the nick name, Gus?

Yes... Gus. 

No one calls me Gus.  I don't think any of my closest friends know that I once had the nick name Gus.  In fact, I don't think I've been referred to as Gus in over 30 years!  

Gus... it's so random.  

Yet I always remember that nick name and the guys that gave it to me,   

I was maybe 12 years old and our class went to a high school for some educational field trip.  During this field trip we took a tour of the high school.  For some reason I ended up meeting some Seniors.  They had their letterman jackets and just exuded coolness.    

When you're 12 years old and 17 year olds take notice of you, it almost feels like you are the coolest person alive.  Being my normal 12 year old self I just acted goofy and was sarcastic to them.  So yes, even at the age of 12 I was a sarcastic little brat!  haha.  Despite my goofiness they still thought I was a hilarious kid. 

Even still, I gave them a hard time and refused to give them my name and so they called me Gus.  They spent the most of the day talking to me.  Me, a 12 year old little fat kid who never saw himself as particularly cool. 

Giving some kid they didn't know a nick name was such a small action.  What they didn't know was the larger impact it had on my life.  

How large of an impact?  Well I'm telling this story 30 years later!  

Their small action had such huge importance, and they never knew it.  

They didn't know that they made me feel wanted and noticed when I never felt that way.  

They didn't know the happiness they gave me when I truly needed it at that time.  

They didn't know the kindness they showed gave me hope when I was on the verge of losing it.  

They didn't know they showed me that there are people out there who could appreciate and accept someone for who they are.  

They didn't know how important they made me feel in that moment in time.  

They didn't know they shaped a large part of what I do and how I work with clients.

So try not to spend too much time thinking and worrying about how much impact your small actions can have.  Just know that your actions matter and have more power and importance than you may realize. 

Life is Better When You're Laughing

Several years ago my father passed away.  Like most people who lose a loved one, life becomes different and you don't think it will ever go back to the way it was.   You lose a part of yourself and all the optimism you once had about life turns into pessimism.   

This leads me to this blog post.  How do you maintain optimism when there is so much in this world to be pessimistic about?  How can the glass be half full when you clearly see it to be half empty? 

What if I told you that none of that matters if you're laughing.  You can be laughing for 30 seconds or 5 minutes, and that's all that matters in the world.  And this is where you can find optimism in your life.  It's that brief moment in which the only thing that exists is you and the laughter and the joy it brings you in that moment in time. 

 Go ahead... think of a joke... think of a funny story that a friend told you... think of a scene from a tv show that made you laugh (mine would be anything from The Office)... and laugh... laugh for however long you want to,.. I'll wait...

So what happened?  What were you thinking about?  I'm sure whatever troubles you had briefly disappeared.  

This is the power of laughter.  It made life better if only for that moment.  Wouldn't that be amazing if that could be all the time?  It actually can and all you need to do is just laugh.  

Going back to my father... after he had passed away I didn't laugh.  I didn't smile.  I felt like I couldn't.  I felt like life couldn't get better and I nothing could make me feel better.  But then something happened.  I allowed myself to laugh and smile again.  And all that sadness left me for that moment and life was full and bright again.  I could see light in the darkness.  

And so I realized that no matter how dark things can get, no matter how much pessimism you can see... you can change all that with a small dose of laughter. 

Now go laugh!

Keep Yourself Motivated through Setting Goals

One of the main reasons that people go into life coaching is they are looking for a way to find direction in their life.  Looking back at all the people that I've worked with as a life coach, counselor and educator, there was usually a common trait that all of them possessed (or didn't possess) - they didn't have a goal.  Most people have ideas. 

It's first important to understand that having a goal and having an idea aren't the same thing.   They are excited with all the possibilities that can come from them but then nothing ever happens.  What went wrong?  Well what went wrong was that idea never materialized into anything more than an idea.  

Turning your idea into a goal gives you direction, purpose and motivation.  But it's important that when you set a goal they should be in alignment with your life.  This can be done through creating goals that are SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely.  

If you set goals that fall into these five categories then you have taken the first step towards your success! 

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I Don’t See Race Or Color...

I've been recently thinking about this statement.  I'm sure we have been in diversity conversations with people who use this statement.  I'm sure most of us started hearing this more commonly in recent months.

And the more I keep hearing it, the more I don't like this statement.  

It's pretty apparent that the topic of diversity is a pretty difficult subject for many people.  It can cause a lot of conflict and confrontation, and it can put a strain on our relationships.  

But a statement like this doesn't open up the conversation - it ends it.  It doesn't continue dialogue about race and inclusion that is still desperately needed right now.   

In most ways, it's a cop-out.  It's a way of taking a serious and personal conversation and simplifying it into something trivial.  It's also avoidance and privilege.  

To tell a friend you don't see color or race, you're basically denying a major part of who they are.  You are denying a large part of their identity.  What they hear is that you are choosing not to see your friend.

Diversity is always going to be uncomfortable, and we have to understand that we must try to get comfortable having uncomfortable conversations.  You will learn more about other people, but more importantly, you may learn more about yourself. 

#lifecoach #lifecoaching #motivation #diversity #education