Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

I'm sure many of you are familiar with this nursery rhyme.  It's so short and has a very simple melody.  

When you think of Humpty Dumpty, do you automatically picture a person that looks like an egg?  Take a closer look a the nursery rhyme.  Where does it say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?  

It doesn't... and yet for all our lives we assumed Humpty Dumpty was an egg.  Who told us he was an egg?  I don't recall my teachers or my parents saying he was an egg (or a male for that matter).  I honestly don't think anyone told me he was an egg.  I think I just saw a picture of Humpty Dumpty and it portrayed him as an egg.  So I just naturally assumed he was one. 

So where do assumptions come from?  Why is it so easy for us to make assumptions about other people?

Maybe our assumptions come from our denial of knowing the truth or accepting the truth.  Maybe it's easier to assume because it's more interesting or scandalous or favorable than the truth.  

And let's not forget that no only do we make assumptions about other people, but we also tend to make assumptions about ourselves.  This causes us to lose our self-confidence, or to have catastrophic thinking that derails us from accomplishing or even attempting our goals and aspirations.  

How can we stop making assumptions?  I honestly don't think it's as simple as saying, "I'm going to stop."  But we can make the effort to stop by challenging them.  Challenge its validity until you're able to know the truth yourself.  Challenge a negative assumption by making it a positive one.  

As Albert Einstein once said - "Assumptions are made and most assumptions are wrong." 

Oh and blame Lewis Carroll for why we assume that Humpty is an egg! 

The Importance of Small Actions

 I'm sure many of us have nick names.  They are given to us by our parents, siblings or our friends.  They usually just happen and then the nick name sticks and we use it for the rest our lives.  

Did you know that I once had the nick name, Gus?

Yes... Gus. 

No one calls me Gus.  I don't think any of my closest friends know that I once had the nick name Gus.  In fact, I don't think I've been referred to as Gus in over 30 years!  

Gus... it's so random.  

Yet I always remember that nick name and the guys that gave it to me,   

I was maybe 12 years old and our class went to a high school for some educational field trip.  During this field trip we took a tour of the high school.  For some reason I ended up meeting some Seniors.  They had their letterman jackets and just exuded coolness.    

When you're 12 years old and 17 year olds take notice of you, it almost feels like you are the coolest person alive.  Being my normal 12 year old self I just acted goofy and was sarcastic to them.  So yes, even at the age of 12 I was a sarcastic little brat!  haha.  Despite my goofiness they still thought I was a hilarious kid. 

Even still, I gave them a hard time and refused to give them my name and so they called me Gus.  They spent the most of the day talking to me.  Me, a 12 year old little fat kid who never saw himself as particularly cool. 

Giving some kid they didn't know a nick name was such a small action.  What they didn't know was the larger impact it had on my life.  

How large of an impact?  Well I'm telling this story 30 years later!  

Their small action had such huge importance, and they never knew it.  

They didn't know that they made me feel wanted and noticed when I never felt that way.  

They didn't know the happiness they gave me when I truly needed it at that time.  

They didn't know the kindness they showed gave me hope when I was on the verge of losing it.  

They didn't know they showed me that there are people out there who could appreciate and accept someone for who they are.  

They didn't know how important they made me feel in that moment in time.  

They didn't know they shaped a large part of what I do and how I work with clients.

So try not to spend too much time thinking and worrying about how much impact your small actions can have.  Just know that your actions matter and have more power and importance than you may realize. 

Life is Better When You're Laughing

Several years ago my father passed away.  Like most people who lose a loved one, life becomes different and you don't think it will ever go back to the way it was.   You lose a part of yourself and all the optimism you once had about life turns into pessimism.   

This leads me to this blog post.  How do you maintain optimism when there is so much in this world to be pessimistic about?  How can the glass be half full when you clearly see it to be half empty? 

What if I told you that none of that matters if you're laughing.  You can be laughing for 30 seconds or 5 minutes, and that's all that matters in the world.  And this is where you can find optimism in your life.  It's that brief moment in which the only thing that exists is you and the laughter and the joy it brings you in that moment in time. 

 Go ahead... think of a joke... think of a funny story that a friend told you... think of a scene from a tv show that made you laugh (mine would be anything from The Office)... and laugh... laugh for however long you want to,.. I'll wait...

So what happened?  What were you thinking about?  I'm sure whatever troubles you had briefly disappeared.  

This is the power of laughter.  It made life better if only for that moment.  Wouldn't that be amazing if that could be all the time?  It actually can and all you need to do is just laugh.  

Going back to my father... after he had passed away I didn't laugh.  I didn't smile.  I felt like I couldn't.  I felt like life couldn't get better and I nothing could make me feel better.  But then something happened.  I allowed myself to laugh and smile again.  And all that sadness left me for that moment and life was full and bright again.  I could see light in the darkness.  

And so I realized that no matter how dark things can get, no matter how much pessimism you can see... you can change all that with a small dose of laughter. 

Now go laugh!

Keep Yourself Motivated through Setting Goals

One of the main reasons that people go into life coaching is they are looking for a way to find direction in their life.  Looking back at all the people that I've worked with as a life coach, counselor and educator, there was usually a common trait that all of them possessed (or didn't possess) - they didn't have a goal.  Most people have ideas. 

It's first important to understand that having a goal and having an idea aren't the same thing.   They are excited with all the possibilities that can come from them but then nothing ever happens.  What went wrong?  Well what went wrong was that idea never materialized into anything more than an idea.  

Turning your idea into a goal gives you direction, purpose and motivation.  But it's important that when you set a goal they should be in alignment with your life.  This can be done through creating goals that are SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely.  

If you set goals that fall into these five categories then you have taken the first step towards your success! 

#lifecoaching #lifecoach #coaching #motivation #coach #mindset #inspiration #mindfulness #selflove #personaldevelopment #selfcare #love #mentalhealth #life #success #lifecoachingforwomen #lifecoachingformen #meditation #personalgrowth #lifecoachforwomen #lifecoachformen #lifestyle #lifecoachingtips #happiness #lifecoaches #leadership #lifecoachinghappiness #goals #loveyourself #healing #selfdevelopment #bhfyp 

I Don’t See Race Or Color...

I've been recently thinking about this statement.  I'm sure we have been in diversity conversations with people who use this statement.  I'm sure most of us started hearing this more commonly in recent months.

And the more I keep hearing it, the more I don't like this statement.  

It's pretty apparent that the topic of diversity is a pretty difficult subject for many people.  It can cause a lot of conflict and confrontation, and it can put a strain on our relationships.  

But a statement like this doesn't open up the conversation - it ends it.  It doesn't continue dialogue about race and inclusion that is still desperately needed right now.   

In most ways, it's a cop-out.  It's a way of taking a serious and personal conversation and simplifying it into something trivial.  It's also avoidance and privilege.  

To tell a friend you don't see color or race, you're basically denying a major part of who they are.  You are denying a large part of their identity.  What they hear is that you are choosing not to see your friend.

Diversity is always going to be uncomfortable, and we have to understand that we must try to get comfortable having uncomfortable conversations.  You will learn more about other people, but more importantly, you may learn more about yourself. 

#lifecoach #lifecoaching #motivation #diversity #education 

Life Coaching vs. Therapy

 Wait, so there's a difference? 

YES!  There is most definitely a difference, but there is definitely a fine line between the two. 

I have always believed that therapy is focused on the present by healing your past.  

Life coaching is focused on the future by helping you live in the present.  

One is not better than the other, but one can be more beneficial to person.  I would even say that having both can be more effective. 

The decision is ultimately up to you but my hope is that if you need help, then please don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist or a life coach (or even a friend or family member).  

#lifecoaching #lifecoach #motivation #counseling 

 

5 Reasons You Should Hire a Life Coach

Being a life coach is not easy.  I knew that going into this profession.  

Actually, practicing life coaching and working with clients is very easy for me.  I love forming rapport with a client and helping motivate them through their struggles.  It's the process of finding clients and marketing myself that is difficult and challenging.  I'm not a salesperson by any means nor am I good at marketing.  This is all very new to me.  

In doing some research on how to market myself better, I came upon a blog post from Coach the Life Coach by Tim Brownson that discussed five reasons people don't hire a life coach. 

Well I only thought it fitting that I do a blog that addresses those five reasons and challenges them.  Hopefully this helps you decide why you should hire a life coach and to refer my services to those you think may benefit from it. 

1)   Not All Life Coaches are Expensive

Seeing a life coach offer services for several hundreds or thousands of dollars probably gives you the sense that this person has a lot to offer you.  Higher prices usually. means you are getting the best. 

But what happens if you see a life coach whose services are considerably less?  Would you think that person couldn't possibly help you?  

Don't feel that you are getting short changed on a life coach who doesn't offer higher prices as others do.

I have always felt that coaching, much like counseling, should be available to everyone.  It's a service that helps a person have a healthier mindset.  There are plenty of coaches who are affordable and who can work with individuals so they can benefit from coaching.  It doesn't hurt to ask if they are willing to work with you.

So although I believe that price is equal to the value of what you are getting, I also believe that you should be valued more than money and I will work with you to make sure you are treated that way - and that you are getting the best service no matter the cost. 

2) You Do Have the Time

You may not have the time to meet with someone to talk to regarding your concerns, but you do have time to meet with someone who can bring value into your life.  The key word being: 

VALUE 

There are plenty of coaches who are affordable and who can work with individuals.  But your time is valuable and so you need a life coach adds value to that time, they don't take away or detract from it.

If you've found the perfect match of client and coach, then you'll realize that you have the time and are willing to make the time! 

3) Coaching Does Work

The reason coaching doesn't work for many people is that they are not open for it to work  

The reason that couples counseling/coaching doesn't work?  It's because only one partner is invested in the process. 

Coaching only works if you understand and allow the process of coaching to work.  

Coaching requires you put in the time to do the homework and to be accountable for your actions.  

Coaching takes vulnerability. 

If you really want to know how well coaching has worked for someone, read the testimonials of a coach or speak to someone you trust who has seen a coach.  

All you need is an open mind and a willingness and the motivation to change and improve your life. 

4) You Can Coach Yourself

Coaching yourself isn't the problem.  We coach ourselves every day.  We know and can find times to be motivated and productive.  

But how truly effective are you at it?  Are you able to look at yourself subjectively and ask the right questions?  

A life coach looks at the whole picture without judgement and bias.  We can see things you're not able to see.  It is a partnership between coach and client.  

5) You're Not Sure You Can Trust Them 

Several years ago I decided to go into therapy.  

Deciding to seek therapy wasn't difficult, it was finding the right therapist.  

I had done my research and had certain requirements that I needed in order for me to find the right one.  

Long story short, after all the research, I found one and it was the best decision I ever made.  I felt lucky that we had gotten along with so well; we formed a good rapport. 

This is what is key in finding a coach you can trust.  Not only do you need to do your research on the person you want, you have to meet them and see if you're a match. 

You may not find the perfect coach on your first try.  You might find a good one but it probably takes a couple of sessions to feel comfortable, but at least you're finding someone that you can trust and that can add value in your life. 

As a coach, it is my responsibility to earn your trust but to also make sure that we are a match.  As I mentioned before, this is a partnership.  

I hope I was able to assuage some of your concerns about seeing a life coach.  I hope that if you have the willingness to want to change your life and to live the life you wanted that you consider a life coach.  They will strive to motivate and challenge you into becoming the best version of yourself.  

What are your thoughts on this?  Let me know in the comments below!